I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
