There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
