I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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