I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
