Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
