You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
