The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
