i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
