Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
