Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
