nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
