Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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