she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
