i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
