i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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