you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
