Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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