Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
