I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
