guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
