I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
