I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
