So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
