nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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