I think my fart just growled at me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
