So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
