No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
