Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
