I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
