did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
