I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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