I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
