dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
