kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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