i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
