Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I want her autograph on my taint
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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