My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
