Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My life is pants optional.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
