Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
