Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
