im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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