Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
