it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
