i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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