dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
