Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
bring money and cleavage
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
