Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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