just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
