I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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