I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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