Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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