I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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