and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
