I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
