im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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