she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
