Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
