It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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