I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
