i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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