Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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