i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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