Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
