i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
