woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
sex in a hospital.. check
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
