well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
